Attack Of The Hair
by Pish Tsuzumaki
Summary: [AUish and OOCness! Rated for some adultish terms. Oneshot] Roy goes to take a shower, and a surprise awaits him. Whether it's good or bad, you decide, but it's bad for Roy! [shounen ai! RoyEd luff] Gomen for crap summary! x.x Review pwease!


Attack of the Hair

A Fullmetal Alchemist one-shot.

**Pish:** Well, here's another one-shotter :D

**Sapph:** Forthward on!

**Pish:** Wait! I need to do the Disclaimer before they read!

**Disclaimer:** I do NOT own Fullmetal Alchemist AKA Hagane no Renkinjutsushi. It doesn't belong to me, and I don't make any money writing this. And I forgot who owns it. But I don't.

**Sapph:** Are you done yet?

**Pish:** Yes.

**Sapph:** Good. Forthward on! Now get to reading.

**Pish:** --;

**O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O**

Edward sighed and stepped out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, and started searching for his hairbrush.

"Nah," Ed reconsidered, putting down the brush and getting a comb instead, and started humming a happy tune to himself. He placed his comb on the counter by the sink and went to get another towel to dry his hair with. He put the towel on his head squeezed it to drain most of the water from his long blonde locks.

Ed's hair was getting pretty long; it was past his waistline now, about down to his hips. Of course, his hair grew as he got older; for now he was at the age of 21, and had grown a massive six inches in the past years, and was still growing. Now he was taller than Roy, by three centimeters, mind you, and Roy could no longer taunt Fullmetal about being short. (Poor Roy, eh?)

Ed had gotten done with the trivial task of combing his hair, and quickly picked off the loose strands that were roaming his shoulders and back with the help of the mirror that was hung above the sink. He then took the clump of spun gold, AKA his hair, and threw it away in a nearby trash bin so the other occupant of the house wouldn't have a fit. (Because the other occupant is a neat freak.)

Edward then opened the door of the bathroom and went to his shared room to get some clothes. He looked at his bed and saw that his fiancée was still sleeping, which was odd, because Edward was usually never first to get up. 'That's what Saturday does to you, I guess.' Ed thought, smiling, and walked to the large bed. (Still in his towel! With his hair down! All wet!)

Still smiling, Ed slightly shook the sleeping figure's shoulder. "Hey. Wake up sleepyhead…" He said in a singsong-y voice. Ed's significant other groaned and opened his eyes, instantly waking up. "Am I still dreaming?" He asked, eyeing Ed's partial nudity and smirking. Ed rolled his eyes and snorted, "No, you're not, you pervert. After last night, I'm surprised you can still dream."

"Yeah, because last night was so boring… And, hey, it's not my fault you chose abstinence."

"Well, we can indulge all we want AFTER we get married. That's not too far off anyway. What, one, two months? I think you and your libido can wait." Ed smirked and poked his fiancée's chest, "Now, why don't you go take your shower and I'll get dressed and start on-" Ed looked at the clock, "brunch."

"Sounds like a plan, Ed." The raven-haired male smiled, leaned up, and planted a kiss on his fiancée's lips. They broke apart half a minute or so later. "Now go." Ed softly spanked Roy's bottom for motivation, "I left you some hot water." He smiled and stood up all the way so Roy could get up. "Thanks, hon." Roy mumbled, and stretched after he got up from the bed. Edward eyed the nice chest while Roy was stretching. Boy did it look inviting about now…

'_No! Gotta get dressed and make food._' Ed thought, and tore his amber eyes from his love's chest. Roy then gathered his clothes from their bureau, and left the room for the bathroom down the hall. (Where the Edo previously was)

Ed hastily grabbed his red boxers, wiggled the damp towel off, and slid them on. He then went to get a shirt, socks, and some pants (or shorts, it looked nice out today). He picked out a black T-shirt that kind of clung to him and some denim jeans that fit just right. (In other words, they were snugger in all the right places)

After Ed zipped up his pants, he ran out of the room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen to start his and Roy's brunch. When he got to the kitchen, he noticed that he didn't do his hair, so he grabbed a black hair tie from the coffee table in the living room and put his hair into a quick ponytail. He'd have to braid it later, he decided.

Meanwhile, Roy had just gotten into the bathroom. He put his shirt and pants on a towel rack and his boxers and socks on the closed toilet seat. (So neat and orderly he is!) Mustang looked in the mirror and felt his face a bit, checking for stubble. _'Oh, screw it. I'll shave tomorrow.'_ He thought. (Okay, maybe not so neat and orderly…)

Mustang backed away from the mirror and went to the shower, and opened the curtain so he could turn on the water. He looked up at the wall, and his eyes grew to the size of plates.

A girly scream, followed by a cry of "EDWARD!" flew through the Mustang/Elric mansion.

Ed was about to flip his omelet, when Roy's cry reached his ears. He jumped slightly, and sweatdropped. "Heh heh… Oops." Ed hoped Roy wouldn't be too mad.

The shower wall looked like it was painted gold. Half of the wall was covered in Ed's stray hair from his earlier shower.

Roy, still screaming, ran down the hall, still in last night's boxers, down the steps, into the kitchen, and latched onto Ed's back, whimpering. Edward deadpanned, and put the last omelet on a plate. "What is it now?" Edward ground out.

"T-the hair! It's the h-hair! THE HAIR'S ATTACKING! Help me, Edo…" Roy started sobbing into Ed's shoulder uncharacteristically. "There there, Roy. You'll be fine," Ed stated, and turned around so he could hug his troubled fiancée. "Let's go to the bathroom and see what's up, okay?" Ed wiped away Roy's tears, and Roy nodded, sniffling. They both went up to the bathroom, and Mustang hesitated when the got inside. "Come on," Ed persuaded Roy, and he walked in slowly, like a scared child would.

Roy pointed a shaking finger towards the shower, where the mass of hair was. Edward just rolled his eyes and grabbed the trashcan. "Good god, Roy! You could've thrown 'em away yourself." Mustang just shook his head in denial, "Nuh-uh," then he crossed his arms and pouted.

Edward walked to the shower, peeled all the wet hair off the wall, and put it in the garbage can. Then he took the plastic bag out of the can, tied it up, and put it on the floor. Ed picked up the totally empty trashcan and put it back next to the toilet, and then went back to the shower where the plastic bag was. He picked that up, and went downstairs to put it by the door for the trash people to pick up later. Then Ed ran back up the stairs to the bathroom.

"There…you…go…Roy." Ed panted and put his hands on his knees for support, "Now… go take your shower!" He was off in a flash once more, leaving Mustang to take his long-awaited shower.

Edward arrived in the kitchen, panting slightly once more. _'At this rate, I might never need to spar with Al or go to the gym again.'_ He thought, and walked over to the table, where the pair of omelets were sitting, quite bored, and waiting patiently to be eaten. Ed poked his omelet gingerly, seeing if it was still hot enough to eat. "Aw man," Ed whined. The omelets were not very warm anymore. "ROY! NOW OUR FOOD IS COLD! Grrr…" Steam seemed to come out of Edward's ears, and he picked up one of the omelets and put in the microwave to re-heat it. He turns and glares at you, "Hey, I don't like cold food, 'kay?" And goes back to waiting for his omelet to re-heat.

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**Pish:** It's done… (faints) I decided to end it there, because I ran out of creative energy. It was originally gonna end with Roy shouting Ed's name in anger, but look what happened! Oyyyyy… Sorry about the OOC-ness... and the AU... but I had to put in some modern stuff. I don't know why, but I had to. But the jeans aren't all that modern, you know. They've been around since the 1800s from what I know. Oh, and I'm aware of the tense change at the end. Heh heh. With all that said, please review! (:


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